What am I doing Personally to Impact Someone's Life?

So, last night at church, my friend mentioned to me that I hadn't written a blog post in a while. It made me sad that somebody had noticed this, and was affected by it. I knew that it had been a while, but I hadn't written anything recently that I felt was worth posting. Lucky for me, her asking that question (along with something that happened to me this week) gave me the perfect idea for a post!!

So, COTM just finished a series a few weeks ago about the question used for my title. "What are you doing Personally to Impact Someone's Life?" And I am going to be real with you, by the end of the series, I began to get frustrated every time I heard somebody say it. Not because I didn't like the question, but because I never had an answer for it. Because I am part of the staff at church, we would hear this question in our staff meetings, I would hear it in my volunteer meetings, and I heard it in the services. And I loved the premise of the question. I loved hearing people's stories about things that had happened in their lives as a result of using this question to guide their daily interactions. But still yet, I had no answer to this question. I began to get so discouraged. When I heard this question, I felt a sense of dread, rather than empowerment.

If you know me at all, you know that I desperately want to reach people for Christ. I began to wonder why I didn't have any fabulous stories to tell, even though I tried to be friendly and show God's love to people I encountered on a daily basis. Little did I know what God was working on behind the scenes.

For those of you who don't know, I teach seventh grade English. (And I LOVE it, in case you were wondering!!) Anyway, this week I was going back and reading some journal entries that my students have written since the beginning of the school year. There were some funny ones, some silly ones, and some thought-provoking ones. But then I came across one that stopped me in my tracks.

Some of you may be reading that and thinking, "So what? She said she likes you as her teacher. Big deal." But for me, it is a huge deal. It brought joy to my heart and tears to my eyes. I have a special desire in my heart to reach and bless young people, especially young girls. After reading this journal entry, I knew that God was helping me do just that! I was doing something to impact somebody's life and showing them God's love, I just didn't realize it while it was happening. 

Remember my friend who asked about the blog? It turns out that the same thing happened with her. When she asked me why I hadn't written in a while, I realized that my blog posts were ministering to her. She enjoyed reading them and missed them when I didn't write them. (Now, whether she missed them because she liked them or because she liked to laugh at how awful they are, I haven't figured out yet!) This was another case where God was using me, without me realizing it. Man, I was so excited when God showed me this last night! I had been so frustrated with my lack of success with reaching people. And God showed me more than one way that He had used me as His vessel of love and encouragement. 

So, for those of you who have found yourselves being bothered by the fact that you don't have an answer to this infamous question, don't grow weary in doing what is good! You may not see it yet or have any idea what's happening, but God is preparing your harvest. You may feel as though you are not doing anything to help or show God's love to others, but I promise you are. Don't give up just because you can't see the fruit yet. You may have no idea who you are affecting, but God will show you in His perfect timing. 

The Myth of "The One Who Got Away"

We've all heard that phrase. Usually it's used to describe somebody in our lives who we thought was the bee's knees, but unfortunately isn't in our lives anymore. (Probably by their choice, not yours.) What a depressing way to look at life!

Don't get me wrong, I've done it, too. Fairly recently actually. But last night I had a revelation. When we have somebody in our lives who chooses to leave, we shouldn't see them as the one who "got away."  Instead, we should see ourselves that way.  We are the person who they missed out on, not the other way around.

Now, let me clarify, I'm not saying that you should walk around thinking you're hot stuff and everybody should want to know you and be your friend.  However, I am suggesting that you have enough respect for yourself to realize that what somebody else thinks of you doesn't actually change who you are or what you have to offer.

There is a quote by Ted Rubin that says "Your value doesn't decrease based on someone's inability to see your worth."  I had heard this quote before, but when I saw it again last night, I really got it. I am the kind of person who always blames myself when something goes wrong in any relationship (family, love, friendship, etc. ) My first thought is always, "Crap! I screwed it up again." Or "What did I do wrong?" Or "What if I had done _____ instead?" (And I agree that sometimes, we do need to ask ourselves these questions.) But there are also times that we need to realize that the other person would have acted the same way, no matter what we did or didn't do.  Because you are not the problem!  And I have a feeling that the people we really need and want in our lives, are going to stay through it all.  And in all honesty, those are the people we really want in our lives.

So, if somebody walks away, LET THEM.  If they are supposed to be in your life, God will restore the relationship.
Sometimes, it's our job to mend relationships. But other times, God just wants us to sit back and let Him place the right people exactly where they need to be.

Why is it never me?

Lately, I have been asking myself this question over and over again. I have started to feel as though I am never the person people choose to do things. I am not the girl the guy wants to talk to at the wedding. I am not the friend they choose to call when they are having a hard day. I am not the fun one they want to hang out with. And on, and on, and on.

Now, I feel like I should tell you that I am not saying this so that people feel sorry for me. I am confident in who I am in Christ, and I find my comfort and peace in Him. However, I am telling you this in case you have ever felt the same way. As I have talked about in a previous blog post (I am not alone ), sometimes Satan tries to make us feel like we are the only person who has gone through a certain situation or felt a certain feeling. So for those of you who have ever felt like the last one picked on the playground, this is for you.

In my life, friends have always been an interesting thing. I have two friends in my life who have been people that I can always count on. Every other friendship I have had, has been a seasonal friendship. I will be friends with a person or group of people for a little while, and then the season is over, and I am left friendless, once again. The thing that stinks the most about this, is that I really do feel like I am the best friend I can be. I try to serve my friends, love my friends, care for them, be there for them, laugh with them, cry with them, and every other thing you want a friend to do. (Of course I realize there is always room for improvement, but you get the point.) I have found myself asking God so many times, "What am I doing wrong?" I always heard, "If you want friends, you have to show yourself friendly." The problem was, I was doing that, and it wasn't working! And recently, it has happened with other relationships. "God, I feel like I am exactly the kind of woman that guy would want to marry. So why didn't he choose me?" (I feel like I should remind you again that I do NOT want you to feel sorry for me! I promise this has a happy ending.)

Sunday night, while sitting at home alone. God reminded me of something so important. He ALWAYS chooses me. In Ephesians, He tells us that we are His workmanship, and He has prepared good things for us. Romans tells us that Christ loved us while we were still sinners. He knit me together and He thinks innumerable thoughts about me. Why am I spending so much time concerned about who has chosen and not chosen me when the most important person already has and always will? In his book Crash the Chatterbox, Steven Furtick uses the analogy of the TV show The Voice. He is talking about how we constantly look for the approval of others, instead of the approval of God. We want people to "turn their chairs around" and choose us. But God turned His chair around before we were even born. I absolutely love what he says, "...the One who is sitting in the only chair that really counts has already turned around."

Instead of focusing on all of the people not choosing me, I need to focus on the only one who really matters. Jesus loves us unconditionally. He loves the great parts of us, but He also loves the parts that aren't so great. He loves us when we are happy or angry. He loves and accepts us when we further His kingdom, and He loves us just as much when we fail. He loves us and chooses us, even when we forget to choose Him. And He loves us despite the fact that we can never return the same kind of love back to Him. And He is the only one whose choice truly matters.

Even When it Hurts

If you have read my blog for any amount of time, you know that I love praise and worship songs. I am not sure what it is, but they are so powerful and special to me. And most of the time, I feel like this is one of the main channels God uses to communicate with me and bring me peace or comfort. I don't know about you, but I find it pretty easy to praise God when I am in a good mood. Or when I am happy to be at church. Or I like the song that they are singing. However, there are those rare occasions when I don't necessarily feel like praising or worshipping.

There was a time very recently where I found myself in one of these situations. I had had a horrible day and week. I had also just had a very discouraging and heartbreaking conversation with a friend. I can't really describe how I was feeling. I know that I had never felt it before and hope to avoid it in the future. I wouldn't say I was mad at God, but I was definitely mad. I was confused and heartbroken and sad and mad all at the same time. I stood in church with my arms folded and my lips pursed. I wasn't going to sing or clap or raise my hands. I was just going to stand there in my anger. Looking back on that day, I realize that I was doing the worst possible thing in that situation. It's very easy to praise God when things are going great, but it's much more important to do it when things seem to be falling apart.

Hillsong United's new album is awesome. And everyone should get it. There is a song on it called "Even When it Hurts." As I am sure you can guess, it talks about this exact thought.
        "Even when my strength is lost, I'll praise You. Even when I have no song, I'll praise You. Even           when it's hard to find the words, louder then I'll sing Your praise. Even when the fight seems              lost, I'll praise You. Even when it hurts like hell, I'll praise You. Even when it makes no sense            to sing, louder then I'll sing Your praise."

Maybe I am the only one, but I have most definitely felt some of these. And I can definitely relate to the "ocean tears" the song mentions. But I just love the honest message of the song. That no matter what we are thinking or feeling, one of the most important things we can do is praise Him. There are going to be times when that is literally the last thing we want to do because it goes against everything inside of us. But how much more powerful is our praise when we are crying out God's name despite our circumstances? Our feelings, thoughts, relationships, and circumstances are ever-changing. But there is one thing that remains the same, and that it Jesus.

Peru: Meet Nicole

So when people ask me about my trip to Peru, I honestly don't even know where to start. It's hard to describe and put into words everything that happened and all the people we met and all the lives we saw touched and changed. My go to answer has been, "It was great. I wish I was still there and not here." (Which has actually offended some people...I can't imagine why!!) But there is so much more to say.

One thing God has been helping me grow in is trusting His timing, no matter what. And one thing I know for sure, is that His timing of this trip was perfect. While we were there, we met a girl named Nicole. Nicole is traveling the world, and she "just so happened" to be at Camino de Vida the same week we were. Nicole is truly one of the coolest people I have ever had the privilege of meeting. She gave up everything to travel. Through her journey she has discovered so many things about herself and about God. She could write a book on God's faithfulness in her life. One of the coolest things about Nicole, was that she had genuinely meaningful conversations with everyone she talked to. I was talking to her one day while we were peeling garlic (4.5 pounds of garlic, to be exact). I was asking her about her travels and things she has learned since she started. Traveling is something that I desire to do so deeply, so I loved everything she had to say. Then she said that if God has put that desire in my heart, and I don't do it, then I am trying to be somebody other than who God created me to be. I was amazed at this comment. I barely knew her, and she had said something that impacted me so deeply.

Every single person on our team had the opportunity to interact with and befriend her throughout the week. What made it even better (as if you needed anything) was that we were also able to encourage and bless her, as well! She had been traveling for about 5-6 months when we met her. By herself. She had met some friendly people along the way. She had learned a lot. She had had some unforgettable experiences. But she needed to be around some people who could encourage and uplift her. She needed some refreshment. And God used our team to help with that.

God orchestrated our paths to cross. Nicole was making her own travel plans. She could have been long gone if she wanted to, but God had other plans. I was so encouraged when I thought about this throughout the week. I have a hard time trusting in God's timing when it doesn't line up with mine. But this is just one of the many things God has used to show me that His timing is always the best. He can see the big picture, and I can only see what's right in front of me. I'm glad the one with the better view is the one with the steering wheel!

Peru

Where do I even start?
It's impossible to put into words everything I experienced with my team this week. We saw a building transformed into a safe, life-giving, beautiful church that many people will come to call home. We made friendships we never thought we would. We cried and laughed, many times laughing so hard we cried. We saw the love of God change lives.

I have to be honest, the day we left for the trip, I started panicking. I had been so busy leading up to the trip, that I hardly had time to stop and think about it. But the morning we left, it was all I could think about. I started worrying and questioning whether or not I had anything to contribute to the amazing group of people I was about to work with. I started questioning my effectiveness to show anyone the love of Christ. I felt so unqualified.

Thankfully, I am blessed with very encouraging friends. I had one of them remind me that I am God's creation, and He designed me to do His work and further His kingdom. I had been blessed with an opportunity, and I shouldn't take away from that with worry.  Man was that a good reminder!! I was so caught up in my thoughts, that I was forgetting the fact that God called me to go on that trip. And I was once again letting my thoughts get in my way.  Now, I won't say that I didn't have to continue to fight off negative thoughts throughout the trip, because I did.  But I was comforted by the knowledge that God equips His people when He calls them, and He makes their arms strong for their tasks.

As you can imagine, I will have much more to share about my trip in the coming days. But for tonight, I just want to remind you that God doesn't ask you to do things that are impossible. Anything that He calls you to, you are capable of doing. But the thing you cannot forget, is that you are ONLY capable of doing them with Him. It is Christ working through you and in you, that allows you to be effective and successful. Without Him, we are nothing and can do nothing. But He never leaves us or forsakes us (Deuteronomy 31:6). He will equip you (Hebrews 13:21).  He will strengthen you (Isaiah 41:10). He will make you strong for your tasks (Psalm 18:34). And He will shine through you when you allow yourself to be used by Him!

"Take this heart Lord. I'll be Your vessel. The world to see, Your love in me."

I am Not Alone

Why is it that every time we go through something, it feels as though we are going through it alone? Or that nobody else had ever gone through what we are going through? I know I have felt and thought that time and time again. The thing is, it's not even close to being true.

This past week has been pretty...terrible. Like, really really not good! However, I have been pleasantly surprised and comforted by the people in my life. My mom has been the biggest encourager, as she always is. One of my best friends came over late one night and brought me ice cream and let me yell and talk for hours. And she laughed and cried and yelled with me. (That's a good friend right there!) I came to work one day and all the girls on my team made sure I was okay. My lead teacher brought me a coke on a hard day, without even being asked. THEN, I had teachers from the high school send me chocolate and sweet messages through my mom. I don't even work with them, but they cared enough about me to try and make my day better. How blessed am I? And what a great reminder of how much God loves us and wants us to have people in our lives who will show us His love.

Now, I realize that not everybody has this many people in their lives to go through life with. And I realize that I am very fortunate. But I also believe that you probably have more people in your life that care about you and want to help you and love on you than you realize. The devil is very good at making you feel isolated. And in my opinion, I think it's because he knows how dangerous it is when Christians stick together and support one another! He wants you to doubt your ability to get through the situation and make you feel weak. But you most certainly are NOT.

Kari Jobe has a beautiful song called "I am Not Alone." It talks about how, no matter what we go through, God is always with us. When we walk through deep waters, when we're standing in the fire, through the valley, and when we're in the midst of deep sorrow. "I am not alone. You will go before me. You will never leave me... Lord you fight my every battle...You're my strength and my defender. You're my refuge in the storm. Through these trials you've always been faithful. You bring healing to my soul." What an amazing promise! I am so thankful that we serve a God who brings people across our path to help us through things, but also promises to walk through them with us Himself.

IDK

Don't you just love text language? You can convey a long phrase in just a few letters. It makes things so much faster! However, there is a downside...mis-communication and confusion. I cannot tell you how many times I have had to sit and stare at a text message, trying to figure out what somebody meant by a certain abbreviation. I find myself thinking "IDK what this means!"

Recently, I have also found myself thinking IDK about that things of God. I don't know why this is happening. I don't know why God is asking me to do this. I don't know why I feel this way. I don't know what the purpose of this is. I don't know if I can do what God is asking me to do. I don't know if I am capable. And on, and on, and on. As we have previously established, I am a planner. That also means that I like to know the reason behind things, I like to know what's going on, and why it's going on. I like to know what all the possible scenarios are and all the possible outcomes of those scenarios.  Basically, I like to have all the information I could possibly have about everything ever. Really logical, right? Unfortunately for me, that's not the way God does things. If He gives me all the information I want (and feel like I need) then where does trust come in? Where does having faith in His Word and promises come in?

First of all, I am pretty sure that if God gave me the information I want, it would overwhelm, and maybe even scare, me. I know God has great things in store for me, but I also know that those things won't come until I am ready. So if I know about them now, before I'm ready, who knows what I would do! Secondly, if I know everything that's going to happen, then I have no reason to put my faith and trust in God to help me. I would try to make things happen on my own just because I know what is supposed to happen.

The thing that I find most challenging about this, is that knowing you are supposed to trust God (even when you don't know why) and actually doing it are two totally different things. I know that I need to trust Him, no matter the circumstances. But that doesn't make it any easier. I know that God will take care of me and carry me through the hard times, but the hard times still come. I know that God is close to the brokenhearted, but that fact alone doesn't magically mend my heart. It almost feels like a hopeless situation. However, I also know that God never leaves me or forsakes me, and He has never let me down before. So yes, idk why things happen the way they do or play out in a way that I don't understand. But I don't need to understand. I just need to believe that God always knows what He is doing, even when I don't.
And if anybody knows all the information you could possibly have about everything ever, I'm glad it's Him!

The Greatest of These

One thing I have been learning a lot about is God's love. Now, I still have a lot to learn. I mean, how can you fully learn about a love that can never fully be comprehended? Anyway, I teach Kindergarten. One of my favorite books to read to my class is The Jesus Storybook Bible. It is fabulous. It has gorgeous pictures, and the Bible stories are told in a very kid-friendly way. However, my favorite part of this book is the way it describes God's love for us.

Every time it refers to God's love, it calls it "Never stopping, never giving up, unbreaking, always and forever love." Wow. The first time I read it, I was blown away at how well this book for Children described God's love. And every time I am reading a story to my class and come across this phrase, it stops me in my tracks. I try to read it slowly and soak up each word. Even when I do that, it is still hard for me to wrap my brain around.

Also quite recently, I have discovered the story of Hosea (Yes, recently. I am not sure how I came to be an adult without knowing this story!) In case you are not familiar with the story either, God asks Hosea to marry a woman who didn't have a good past and didn't make great choices. While they were married, she left Hosea and continued to make bad choices. But through all of this, Hosea took her back and continued to love her. This is such an amazing picture of God's love for us. We sin, we turn away from God, we try to figure things out on our own, we try to plan our lives the way we think is best and ignore God's leading, we don't always make good choices. And through it all, GOD STILL LOVES US. He still takes us back, He continues to forgive us, He stays faithful to His Word, and He still looks at us as His precious children.

His love never stops, even when we make mistakes. His love never gives up, even when we turn away or ignore Him. His love is unbreaking, even when we make the wrong choices. And His love is always and forever, no matter how long it takes us to accept it and believe it.

It has taken me a long time to realize the depth of God's love. Honestly, I hope I never stop discovering just how deep it is. I think that maybe the most amazing part is, He knows we can never return this same kind of love to Him. And He still chooses to show us His love anyway.

Fooling Myself

I am a planner. I always have been. I like to plan my day, my shopping trips, my vacations, and my life. I have this plan in my head of what I want my life to be and when I want certain things to happen. Recently, I told myself that I am totally giving it to God. I am going to let Him be the planner, since He already has the perfect plan in mind. And for a while, I really thought that I had done that. PSYCH! I totally haven't. 

So here is one example of what I did. One thing that I told myself I wasn't going to try to plan or figure out was when I am going to get married. In my original plan, it was going to happen right after college, which it obviously did not. So, when I decided to give it to God, I told myself that it probably wasn't going to happen for a few years. Last night, I had an epiphany. All I did was make a new plan for myself. I told myself that I was giving it to God, but really I just told myself what God's plan was probably going to be. Hello?! How does that even make sense?? The thing is, I don't know God's whole plan, and I don't want to! I know that He will reveal parts of it to me when I am ready for it. If He told me I wasn't going to get married for 5 years, I would probably get super sad and mope around. If He told me I was getting married in a year, I would constantly be looking around me, trying to figure out who my future husband was. God already has the perfect plan laid out for me. And I know it is better than anything I could ever dream up. 

Proverbs 16:9 says, "In their hearts humans plan their course, but the Lord establishes their steps." I love that God totally knew that we were going to do this. He knew that we would try to plan our jobs, our marriage, our family, our finances. And he loves and cares for us enough to remind us that He is the one who directs our path.  Although it's a hard thing for me to do, I am so thankful that I can relinquish my control to a God who wants better things for me that I want for myself. 

Did you forget?

Our brains are so interesting to me. They have the capacity to hold and do so much. Yet somehow, when it comes to spiritual things, we are so often forgetful. Maybe this is just me, and maybe you can't relate at all. If that is the case, please tell me your secret!
I have realized recently that when I face a challenge or trial in my job, a relationship, my finances, my family, or anything else, my first instinct is to be worried. I start trying to figure out how to fix it on my own. And guess what, that never works! And then, I feel like God says to me, "Did you forget? Have you forgotten all the times I have shown myself faithful to you? Why would this time be any different?" It's like an ah-ha moment. Well of course! Why was that not my first instinct??
I don't know about you, but I would like to get to the place where going to God and reminding myself of His faithfulness is the first thing I do when faced with a challenge.
He has shown Himself faithful to me more times than I can count. He has never left me or forsaken me, and I know that He is the same yesterday, today, and forever. When something comes my way, I know that He is right there with me, ready to fight the battle.

One Year

365 days. It's amazing what can happen in that amount of time. I think about things a lot....like a lot. So, this past week, I have been thinking a lot about what my life looked like and things I had going on at this time last year. This time last year, I had recently moved into my apartment. For me, this was a huge deal! I was now paying my own bills, cleaning my own house, living by myself....every day. It was so exciting and such a blessing. It was a huge moment and time for me.

Unfortunately, when I think about this time last year, the apartment is not what stands out to me the most. What stands out to me, is the relationship I had just gotten out of. Now, please don't stop reading now that I have said that. I know relationships can be taboo, but stick with me! This particular "relationship" was pretty short lived, but also pretty powerful. Sadly, a relationship that only lasted about 2 months felt like it had lasted years, especially when it ended. When it was over, it's safe to say that my world was rocked. Breakups are never easy, but this one was particularly terrible for some reason. However, the crazy wonderful thing was, after only a few days, I felt more peace than I ever thought possible.

One good thing that came from this relationship, was the fact that, while we were together, he made me dream bigger. He was the first person to ever question my very easy, very safe life plan. He asked me one day, "If you could do anything in the world, what would it be? Anything at all?" I realize that that one question is not a big deal, but it was honestly the first time I had ever voiced some of the dreams and goals I had deep in my heart.

Even though the relationship itself didn't turn out well, God brought so many amazing things out of it. Over this past year, I feel like I have grown into a completely new person. I have a deeper trust in and reliance on God than ever before. I am finally allowing myself to dream big and not be afraid to voice those hopes and dreams. I have more confidence in myself and who I am in Christ. I have conquered so many fears, with God's help. I will follow God wherever He takes me and do whatever He asks me to do. And I honestly don't know that I could have said that a year ago. One year seems like nothing compared to our whole lives and to eternity, but it is amazing how much can change in just 365 days.

The Boyfriend I Always Wanted

If you were to ask me in high school what kind of boyfriend I wanted. I probably would have said something about how I wanted him to be sweet and kind, love God, is a good listener, and does spontaneous things. (Which is interesting since I am not spontaneous AT ALL.) Well, the other day I had a "Hello, Lauren!" moment. I realized that this is exactly what God is doing with me and for me right now. I always wanted to go on Walk to Remember type date where the guy takes you to do a bunch of random things. Eat, dance, look at the stars, travel to a special spot, put on a temporary tattoo in the car while listening to yourself on the radio. (If that whole sentence confused you, go watch A Walk to Remember, then you'll appreciate the hilarity that it was.)

Anyway, this is what is happening in my life right now. God is calling me to do things and see things and go places that I never imagined. He is taking me on adventures, helping me meet new people, and do new things. I have to admit, while it is exciting, it has also been scary at times. But I still love it! Especially because, unlike a high school boyfriend, I know that He will stick around. And I know that I will be able to keep experiencing new and exciting things with Him. How comforting is it to know that someone you love so much and love being with so much wants to keep being with you, too?!

I have always said that I want to go on adventures. I love the idea of having an adventure book, like the precious couple in Up! It is so fascinating to me that things I've voiced, and even things that I have kept to myself, are happening all around me.  I truly thought that when I graduated college and got a "grown-up" job, that my days for being able to have an adventure were over. Man, am I thankful for a God who is not limited by circumstances or my own thoughts and plans. I am happy to say that my days for having adventures with God are just beginning! I can't wait to see where we go and what we do next.

You're Better Than You Think You Are

I just absolutely LOVE God. I mean, For. Real. It never ceases to amaze me how He brings encouragement at just the right time. During a time where you are discouraged or have lost sight of something, He brings something or someone to lift you up.

This time, it was one of my students. That's right, a Kindergartner. A five-year-old girl to be exact. It was last Friday during our morning Rise and Shine assembly. The whole elementary was together and, needless to say, it was crazy loud! She is sitting in line and calls me over to her. Amidst the chaos I hear her say, "Miss Steele, you're better than you think you are." I was taken back, I had to make sure I heard her right. "You're better than you think you are," she said again. All I can say is, wow! I kept thinking about what she said all day. I couldn't shake it. Does she know what she said? Does she actually know what it meant? It's not like she knows the thoughts I have or things I have been going through.

I don't know how she came up with that or if she even knew what she was saying. All I know, is that it was from God. He brought those words to me at the perfect time. Not only was it a reminder of how He sees me, it was also a reminder of His perfect timing. God knows exactly what I need, and exactly when I need it. And the cool thing is, He will do the same for you. Never doubt His timing. He will always have your best in mind.

"Oh, The Places You'll Go!"

As a teacher, I have come to love children's books. Honestly, they are my favorite. A few of my favorite authors write children's books. One of my all time favorites is "Oh, the Places You'll Go!" by Dr. Seuss. It has a wonderful message for children and adults. It is a great picture of how life works. It talks of being in slumps and times of waiting. And how you have to keep moving to get past those things. But the thing I love the most is the fact that it encourages its readers to GO.

This has been one of my mantras. I want to go great places and see great things. There are so many places I want to travel to and explore. At times, I feel like there is no way that I will possibly get to all the places I want to go before my time on this earth is finished. And then, just when I am thinking about that place I haven't gone yet, my God steps into the picture. Just like this weekend.

This past Saturday, I was having coffee with a new friend of mine. (Isn't it awesome how God brings people into your life at just the right time?) We were talking about everything under the sun, then we started talking about the missions trips that we are both going on this summer. I am going to Peru, and she is going to New York. As we talked, I told her that I had almost applied for the NY trip, as well. However, I didn't because I was worried about raising the funds for two trips at once. "Lauren, there are people going on three trips! You can do it, if you really want to," she tells me. Long story short, I went for it! Me, the queen of caution, decided to go for it. And I am so glad I did! I have been praying that the Lord will use me in ways He never has, and that is exactly what He is doing. And at the same time, He is also giving me a desire of my heart. I am so glad that I serve a God that can use me for His kingdom, AND wants to give me the desires of my heart at the same time. It's almost as if He is saying to me, "Lauren, 'you're off to great places. Today is your day. Your mountain is waiting. So, get on your way!'"

My Breaking Point

I feel like as you write a blog (especially one where you talk about Jesus) your stories are supposed to get better as the blog goes on. They are supposed to be more uplifting, and each post should be sunshine and roses and about all these great things that are happening in your life.
Real talk, that's not happening. Not for me. Last night, I hit a breaking point. I was already upset about some things going on, I got off the phone with my mom, and I started bawling. I'm talking red eyes, runny nose, sobbing, ugly cry! I have been getting so frustrated about a particular area in my life, and all the emotions I had been keeping in came pouring out.

I found myself crying out to God and just saying, "I don't understand." Very shortly after that, I heard God say "Be still, and know that I am God." What a gentle reminder. While I was acting like a child and freaking out, it was all for nothing! God is still God. I was talking with a friend the other day, and she told me that one of her goals for this year was to rely on God for everything, instead of trying to do it all herself. I realized that I do the same thing, and that I wanted to make that a goal for myself, as well. As I was thinking last night, I thought, "There is no way to get through this except with God." And then I asked myself, "Why is God my last resort? Why isn't He the first person I go to?"

I think we all have the tendency to do this. We try to figure things out and plan things on our own. Then, when they fail, we go to God. Wouldn't it be easier if we went to Him first? I don't know about you, but that would save me a lot of time, tears, and stress. We just need to be still.

Compassion International

Recently, missions and outreach have really been on my mind. I think this is partly because of some of the awesome things my church has been doing. However, I also think that God is working on my heart to be more involved in these areas. So, as I had been thinking about this, we had a guest speaker at our church talk about Compassion International. He told a beautiful story of a man who had sponsored a child, and then got to meet him one day in a very emotional introduction. Of course, I was crying. When I got home, I started looking into the sponsorship program. As I was looking at and reading about all the children that needed sponsors, I started bawling sitting alone in my apartment. My heart was breaking for all of these children. They looked so sad, and I was picturing how hard there lives must be.

I decided right then, that I had to do something. Even if I could only help one child, it was a start. It took me a while to decide which child to pick. I kept thinking to myself, "How can I pick just one? They all need help. They all need to see God's love at work in their lives!" Well, finally I picked a four-year-old named Karoline. She is beautiful. Every time I see her face taped to my mirror I thank God that He has given me the opportunity to be her sponsor. I recently wrote her a letter and cannot wait to hear back from her! I am so thankful that I am in a season of life that allows me to do things like this. I love being used by God, no matter how big or small the task may be.

Oceans

One thing that I find so interesting about following God is the resistance that you face when you are on the right track or getting ready to have a breakthrough. I have experienced this several times in my life. When I decided to go to ORU, when I decided to become a teacher, and especially now that I am learning to be content and happy with the place God has me.

As I have been thinking and praying the past couple of weeks, every negative thing possible has been combating me. Past friendships and relationships have been plaguing my thoughts. (And not in a "Oh, that was fun" kind of way.) I have been more emotional than usual, and some things that I thought were going right, have actually taken a turn for the worst. It has been so disheartening. At times it has made me want to give up and question my decisions. That is the way Satan works. He makes you doubt and question your every move. And what's worse? He does it the most when you're taking steps towards God and the wonderful plans He has for you. How irritating is that?

I don't know about you, but it is really hard for me to stay focused on the good, when all the bad seems to be screaming at me. The song "Oceans" by Hillsong United is probably one of the best reminders to stay focused on God. If you haven't heard it, go listen to it! The lyrics beautifully describe the feeling of oceans of doubts, worries, and fears circling all around you. And it says to "keep your eyes above the waves" and focused on God. For me, this song is so comforting. I am so thankful for a God who can reach down and pull me out of my own thoughts. Through it all He is still God, He still has me in the palm of His hand, and His plans never fail.

The New and Improved Blog

Being single. It's a hard thing. I can't say that I am super fond of it. I haven't been on a date in a year! I am also getting to the age where everyone I know wants to help me find a husband. "Aw honey, we will find you a man. There has to be somebody out there for you!" This is a conversation I feel like I have almost daily. We live in a world that is in love with love. It's everywhere you go, and it is impossible to escape.

There have been many times in the past few years, more recently than I'd like to admit, where I have become so frustrated with my state of singleness. I have found myself wondering, why am I not married? Does God not want me to be married yet? I'm ready for a family, why can't He see that? Well, the other day I had an epiphany. I'm not actually ready. It's not time yet.  This was a hard pill for me to swallow. I am that girl who thought she would get married during or right after college. For a long time, I told myself that I was ready for that step. So, realizing that I was far from ready was not an easy thing to come to terms with.

I was praying the other day on the way to work. I was talking to God about how I was having a hard time with this single thing and how I needed His help to be okay with it. The words "I'm not finished with you yet" came to my head. At first, I kind of just shook it off, but it kept coming back. I thought about it some more, and I realized that God has more for me to do before I get married. He has more for me to see, more for me to experience, more for me to accomplish. I'm not going to lie, this scares me. I have always known and believed that God has bigger plans for me than I could see or know, but actually taking steps towards that is intimidating. However, God has shown Himself faithful to me time and time again, so why would I doubt His leading?

So, having said that, this is what my new and improved blog will be about. My life as a single women, seeking to know God more and do His will. I don't know what He has for me on the horizon, but I am so super excited to find out! And who knows if anybody will read this or get anything from it. But I hope I can inspire at least one young women to put her trust in God and follow His lead like I am striving to do each day.

Bye until next time,
Lauren