Even When it Hurts

If you have read my blog for any amount of time, you know that I love praise and worship songs. I am not sure what it is, but they are so powerful and special to me. And most of the time, I feel like this is one of the main channels God uses to communicate with me and bring me peace or comfort. I don't know about you, but I find it pretty easy to praise God when I am in a good mood. Or when I am happy to be at church. Or I like the song that they are singing. However, there are those rare occasions when I don't necessarily feel like praising or worshipping.

There was a time very recently where I found myself in one of these situations. I had had a horrible day and week. I had also just had a very discouraging and heartbreaking conversation with a friend. I can't really describe how I was feeling. I know that I had never felt it before and hope to avoid it in the future. I wouldn't say I was mad at God, but I was definitely mad. I was confused and heartbroken and sad and mad all at the same time. I stood in church with my arms folded and my lips pursed. I wasn't going to sing or clap or raise my hands. I was just going to stand there in my anger. Looking back on that day, I realize that I was doing the worst possible thing in that situation. It's very easy to praise God when things are going great, but it's much more important to do it when things seem to be falling apart.

Hillsong United's new album is awesome. And everyone should get it. There is a song on it called "Even When it Hurts." As I am sure you can guess, it talks about this exact thought.
        "Even when my strength is lost, I'll praise You. Even when I have no song, I'll praise You. Even           when it's hard to find the words, louder then I'll sing Your praise. Even when the fight seems              lost, I'll praise You. Even when it hurts like hell, I'll praise You. Even when it makes no sense            to sing, louder then I'll sing Your praise."

Maybe I am the only one, but I have most definitely felt some of these. And I can definitely relate to the "ocean tears" the song mentions. But I just love the honest message of the song. That no matter what we are thinking or feeling, one of the most important things we can do is praise Him. There are going to be times when that is literally the last thing we want to do because it goes against everything inside of us. But how much more powerful is our praise when we are crying out God's name despite our circumstances? Our feelings, thoughts, relationships, and circumstances are ever-changing. But there is one thing that remains the same, and that it Jesus.

Peru: Meet Nicole

So when people ask me about my trip to Peru, I honestly don't even know where to start. It's hard to describe and put into words everything that happened and all the people we met and all the lives we saw touched and changed. My go to answer has been, "It was great. I wish I was still there and not here." (Which has actually offended some people...I can't imagine why!!) But there is so much more to say.

One thing God has been helping me grow in is trusting His timing, no matter what. And one thing I know for sure, is that His timing of this trip was perfect. While we were there, we met a girl named Nicole. Nicole is traveling the world, and she "just so happened" to be at Camino de Vida the same week we were. Nicole is truly one of the coolest people I have ever had the privilege of meeting. She gave up everything to travel. Through her journey she has discovered so many things about herself and about God. She could write a book on God's faithfulness in her life. One of the coolest things about Nicole, was that she had genuinely meaningful conversations with everyone she talked to. I was talking to her one day while we were peeling garlic (4.5 pounds of garlic, to be exact). I was asking her about her travels and things she has learned since she started. Traveling is something that I desire to do so deeply, so I loved everything she had to say. Then she said that if God has put that desire in my heart, and I don't do it, then I am trying to be somebody other than who God created me to be. I was amazed at this comment. I barely knew her, and she had said something that impacted me so deeply.

Every single person on our team had the opportunity to interact with and befriend her throughout the week. What made it even better (as if you needed anything) was that we were also able to encourage and bless her, as well! She had been traveling for about 5-6 months when we met her. By herself. She had met some friendly people along the way. She had learned a lot. She had had some unforgettable experiences. But she needed to be around some people who could encourage and uplift her. She needed some refreshment. And God used our team to help with that.

God orchestrated our paths to cross. Nicole was making her own travel plans. She could have been long gone if she wanted to, but God had other plans. I was so encouraged when I thought about this throughout the week. I have a hard time trusting in God's timing when it doesn't line up with mine. But this is just one of the many things God has used to show me that His timing is always the best. He can see the big picture, and I can only see what's right in front of me. I'm glad the one with the better view is the one with the steering wheel!

Peru

Where do I even start?
It's impossible to put into words everything I experienced with my team this week. We saw a building transformed into a safe, life-giving, beautiful church that many people will come to call home. We made friendships we never thought we would. We cried and laughed, many times laughing so hard we cried. We saw the love of God change lives.

I have to be honest, the day we left for the trip, I started panicking. I had been so busy leading up to the trip, that I hardly had time to stop and think about it. But the morning we left, it was all I could think about. I started worrying and questioning whether or not I had anything to contribute to the amazing group of people I was about to work with. I started questioning my effectiveness to show anyone the love of Christ. I felt so unqualified.

Thankfully, I am blessed with very encouraging friends. I had one of them remind me that I am God's creation, and He designed me to do His work and further His kingdom. I had been blessed with an opportunity, and I shouldn't take away from that with worry.  Man was that a good reminder!! I was so caught up in my thoughts, that I was forgetting the fact that God called me to go on that trip. And I was once again letting my thoughts get in my way.  Now, I won't say that I didn't have to continue to fight off negative thoughts throughout the trip, because I did.  But I was comforted by the knowledge that God equips His people when He calls them, and He makes their arms strong for their tasks.

As you can imagine, I will have much more to share about my trip in the coming days. But for tonight, I just want to remind you that God doesn't ask you to do things that are impossible. Anything that He calls you to, you are capable of doing. But the thing you cannot forget, is that you are ONLY capable of doing them with Him. It is Christ working through you and in you, that allows you to be effective and successful. Without Him, we are nothing and can do nothing. But He never leaves us or forsakes us (Deuteronomy 31:6). He will equip you (Hebrews 13:21).  He will strengthen you (Isaiah 41:10). He will make you strong for your tasks (Psalm 18:34). And He will shine through you when you allow yourself to be used by Him!

"Take this heart Lord. I'll be Your vessel. The world to see, Your love in me."