Lately, I have been asking myself this question over and over again. I have started to feel as though I am never the person people choose to do things. I am not the girl the guy wants to talk to at the wedding. I am not the friend they choose to call when they are having a hard day. I am not the fun one they want to hang out with. And on, and on, and on.
Now, I feel like I should tell you that I am not saying this so that people feel sorry for me. I am confident in who I am in Christ, and I find my comfort and peace in Him. However, I am telling you this in case you have ever felt the same way. As I have talked about in a previous blog post (I am not alone ), sometimes Satan tries to make us feel like we are the only person who has gone through a certain situation or felt a certain feeling. So for those of you who have ever felt like the last one picked on the playground, this is for you.
In my life, friends have always been an interesting thing. I have two friends in my life who have been people that I can always count on. Every other friendship I have had, has been a seasonal friendship. I will be friends with a person or group of people for a little while, and then the season is over, and I am left friendless, once again. The thing that stinks the most about this, is that I really do feel like I am the best friend I can be. I try to serve my friends, love my friends, care for them, be there for them, laugh with them, cry with them, and every other thing you want a friend to do. (Of course I realize there is always room for improvement, but you get the point.) I have found myself asking God so many times, "What am I doing wrong?" I always heard, "If you want friends, you have to show yourself friendly." The problem was, I was doing that, and it wasn't working! And recently, it has happened with other relationships. "God, I feel like I am exactly the kind of woman that guy would want to marry. So why didn't he choose me?" (I feel like I should remind you again that I do NOT want you to feel sorry for me! I promise this has a happy ending.)
Sunday night, while sitting at home alone. God reminded me of something so important. He ALWAYS chooses me. In Ephesians, He tells us that we are His workmanship, and He has prepared good things for us. Romans tells us that Christ loved us while we were still sinners. He knit me together and He thinks innumerable thoughts about me. Why am I spending so much time concerned about who has chosen and not chosen me when the most important person already has and always will? In his book Crash the Chatterbox, Steven Furtick uses the analogy of the TV show The Voice. He is talking about how we constantly look for the approval of others, instead of the approval of God. We want people to "turn their chairs around" and choose us. But God turned His chair around before we were even born. I absolutely love what he says, "...the One who is sitting in the only chair that really counts has already turned around."
Instead of focusing on all of the people not choosing me, I need to focus on the only one who really matters. Jesus loves us unconditionally. He loves the great parts of us, but He also loves the parts that aren't so great. He loves us when we are happy or angry. He loves and accepts us when we further His kingdom, and He loves us just as much when we fail. He loves us and chooses us, even when we forget to choose Him. And He loves us despite the fact that we can never return the same kind of love back to Him. And He is the only one whose choice truly matters.
