My Breaking Point

I feel like as you write a blog (especially one where you talk about Jesus) your stories are supposed to get better as the blog goes on. They are supposed to be more uplifting, and each post should be sunshine and roses and about all these great things that are happening in your life.
Real talk, that's not happening. Not for me. Last night, I hit a breaking point. I was already upset about some things going on, I got off the phone with my mom, and I started bawling. I'm talking red eyes, runny nose, sobbing, ugly cry! I have been getting so frustrated about a particular area in my life, and all the emotions I had been keeping in came pouring out.

I found myself crying out to God and just saying, "I don't understand." Very shortly after that, I heard God say "Be still, and know that I am God." What a gentle reminder. While I was acting like a child and freaking out, it was all for nothing! God is still God. I was talking with a friend the other day, and she told me that one of her goals for this year was to rely on God for everything, instead of trying to do it all herself. I realized that I do the same thing, and that I wanted to make that a goal for myself, as well. As I was thinking last night, I thought, "There is no way to get through this except with God." And then I asked myself, "Why is God my last resort? Why isn't He the first person I go to?"

I think we all have the tendency to do this. We try to figure things out and plan things on our own. Then, when they fail, we go to God. Wouldn't it be easier if we went to Him first? I don't know about you, but that would save me a lot of time, tears, and stress. We just need to be still.

Compassion International

Recently, missions and outreach have really been on my mind. I think this is partly because of some of the awesome things my church has been doing. However, I also think that God is working on my heart to be more involved in these areas. So, as I had been thinking about this, we had a guest speaker at our church talk about Compassion International. He told a beautiful story of a man who had sponsored a child, and then got to meet him one day in a very emotional introduction. Of course, I was crying. When I got home, I started looking into the sponsorship program. As I was looking at and reading about all the children that needed sponsors, I started bawling sitting alone in my apartment. My heart was breaking for all of these children. They looked so sad, and I was picturing how hard there lives must be.

I decided right then, that I had to do something. Even if I could only help one child, it was a start. It took me a while to decide which child to pick. I kept thinking to myself, "How can I pick just one? They all need help. They all need to see God's love at work in their lives!" Well, finally I picked a four-year-old named Karoline. She is beautiful. Every time I see her face taped to my mirror I thank God that He has given me the opportunity to be her sponsor. I recently wrote her a letter and cannot wait to hear back from her! I am so thankful that I am in a season of life that allows me to do things like this. I love being used by God, no matter how big or small the task may be.

Oceans

One thing that I find so interesting about following God is the resistance that you face when you are on the right track or getting ready to have a breakthrough. I have experienced this several times in my life. When I decided to go to ORU, when I decided to become a teacher, and especially now that I am learning to be content and happy with the place God has me.

As I have been thinking and praying the past couple of weeks, every negative thing possible has been combating me. Past friendships and relationships have been plaguing my thoughts. (And not in a "Oh, that was fun" kind of way.) I have been more emotional than usual, and some things that I thought were going right, have actually taken a turn for the worst. It has been so disheartening. At times it has made me want to give up and question my decisions. That is the way Satan works. He makes you doubt and question your every move. And what's worse? He does it the most when you're taking steps towards God and the wonderful plans He has for you. How irritating is that?

I don't know about you, but it is really hard for me to stay focused on the good, when all the bad seems to be screaming at me. The song "Oceans" by Hillsong United is probably one of the best reminders to stay focused on God. If you haven't heard it, go listen to it! The lyrics beautifully describe the feeling of oceans of doubts, worries, and fears circling all around you. And it says to "keep your eyes above the waves" and focused on God. For me, this song is so comforting. I am so thankful for a God who can reach down and pull me out of my own thoughts. Through it all He is still God, He still has me in the palm of His hand, and His plans never fail.

The New and Improved Blog

Being single. It's a hard thing. I can't say that I am super fond of it. I haven't been on a date in a year! I am also getting to the age where everyone I know wants to help me find a husband. "Aw honey, we will find you a man. There has to be somebody out there for you!" This is a conversation I feel like I have almost daily. We live in a world that is in love with love. It's everywhere you go, and it is impossible to escape.

There have been many times in the past few years, more recently than I'd like to admit, where I have become so frustrated with my state of singleness. I have found myself wondering, why am I not married? Does God not want me to be married yet? I'm ready for a family, why can't He see that? Well, the other day I had an epiphany. I'm not actually ready. It's not time yet.  This was a hard pill for me to swallow. I am that girl who thought she would get married during or right after college. For a long time, I told myself that I was ready for that step. So, realizing that I was far from ready was not an easy thing to come to terms with.

I was praying the other day on the way to work. I was talking to God about how I was having a hard time with this single thing and how I needed His help to be okay with it. The words "I'm not finished with you yet" came to my head. At first, I kind of just shook it off, but it kept coming back. I thought about it some more, and I realized that God has more for me to do before I get married. He has more for me to see, more for me to experience, more for me to accomplish. I'm not going to lie, this scares me. I have always known and believed that God has bigger plans for me than I could see or know, but actually taking steps towards that is intimidating. However, God has shown Himself faithful to me time and time again, so why would I doubt His leading?

So, having said that, this is what my new and improved blog will be about. My life as a single women, seeking to know God more and do His will. I don't know what He has for me on the horizon, but I am so super excited to find out! And who knows if anybody will read this or get anything from it. But I hope I can inspire at least one young women to put her trust in God and follow His lead like I am striving to do each day.

Bye until next time,
Lauren