Manicures, Bitterness, & Valentine's Day

Sometimes God uses seemingly insignificant things to teach us and reveal His truths to us. Most recently, He used my manicure. My specific nail color to be exact. (Yes, you read that correctly.) Getting my nails done hasn’t always been something that I’ve done. But recently, it has become one of my favorite things. On the way to the nail salon Monday, I decided to paint my nails a dark color. Most likely black. Because after all, what says “I hate Valentine’s Day” more than black nails, right? I was like weirdly excited to commit this small act of rebellion. (Clearly I haven’t done a lot of rebellious things in life.) When I got to the salon, I landed on a very dark gray color. I guess I was thinking that might look a little less “stick it to the man” than straight up black? As I began to get my nails done, I started questioning my decision. I didn’t really know why. I paint my nails dark colors all the time. Why was this different? 

Pink. Pink is the color that came to my mind next. Pink?? I mean, it’s my favorite and I love it. But not now. Not this week. After all, I am supposed to be single and loving it. I am supposed to be sporting these dark nails proudly for all the world to see my bitterness. WAIT, what?? I had this like nails on the chalkboard, screeching breaks type moment. I was bitter. Like really bitter. I mean, I kind of already knew it. I had actually told my mom just two days earlier that I thought I might be. But this moment showed it to me so clearly. I was bitter about being single again. And I was bitter that in the past few months, I have spent another Christmas, New Years, and now Valentine’s Day alone.  Even sitting here typing this, I can almost feel the physical weight of it. 

But then Jesus showed up. As I was sitting in that chair, changing my color to pink, (Thankfully, my nail lady was totally cool with it!) I felt Jesus begin to whisper to my heart. “You can’t grow to love me more and surrender your heart to me more if it’s full of bitterness.” Ouch. The past few months, I have been growing closer to Jesus and learning more about Him than I have in a long time. And it has been so beautiful. But in that moment, He reminded me that to grow closer to Him and become more like Him and more full of His love, we have to give up some things, too. We have to lay down some of the weights that are entangling us.

Today, I’m proudly donning my pink nails. (Which I obviously ended up loving because...pink, duh.) Now, I’ll admit, the bitterness is not completely gone. It’s going to take some time to break down that wall. But I am so thankful that Jesus showed me it was there and showed me that it was affecting me more than I realized. And He showed it to me so gently and with so much love. I know it may sound cliche, but Jesus is so near and so available to us. The story and evidence of His grace and love is in everything we do and see and encounter. Don’t ever discount a season or job or situation that you may find yourself in. He will meet us where we are and reveal himself to us in just the right ways and at just the right times. Open your ears and your heart to His voice. I promise He won’t let you down. 

Breaking Fasts and Breaking Silence

It happened yesterday. I broke my fast. It was late at night, I had had a bad day, and I just wanted a laugh. So I got on Instagram. I stayed on for maybe 5 minutes, watched a few people's stories, and immediately got off. And wouldn't you know it, I immediately felt terrible. Now, don't get me wrong, I should have felt a little bad. God asked me to give up social media for Him, and I gave in to temptation. So, there should have been a little bit of conviction. But what followed was not just a little bit of conviction that went away. What followed was an onslaught of guilt and shame and condemnation. Way to go, Lauren. You can't even do something for the Lord for 21 days. It's just Instagram. Are you really so immature that you can't stay off for a little while? How are you supposed to do anything big for the Lord if you can't even do this?

This may sound dramatic, but it's pretty much exactly what happened. Now, I did realize how ridiculous it was very quickly and shut it down. But I was still so amazed with how quickly the voice of the enemy was able to invade my thoughts. I know, especially because of books like Crash the Chatterbox and Battlefield of the Mind, that this is a common issue for a wide range of people. I have heard multiple people and books and reading plans say the same thing over the past few months. Bringing things into the light is the only way to beat them. Only when things are in the light can God begin changing them. Satan does his best work in our thoughts. Things that remain only in our heads are still in the dark. They are left there to fester and grow and continue to plague us day after day.

I cannot tell you how freeing it is to finally bring something into the light that has been hidden in the darkness for so long. Whether it is something small, like a negative thought pattern, or something a little bit bigger, like something from your past that you have never shared with anybody, can I give you some friendly advise? Tell somebody! Don't let Satan continue to plague your thoughts with shame.

In her Unashamed reading plan, Christine Caine says it so perfectly. "Sin and its shame were left entombed. Conquered. Vanquished. Paid for. Redeemed by His blood sacrifice. It is finished. The blood of Jesus has heard you. The blood of Jesus has set you free. Jesus was wounded for your healing; He bore your shame so you could live free." (Side note: shame may feel like an extreme word if you are dealing with something like a negative or fearful thought pattern. But Christine Caine also describes shame as the fear of being unworthy. And I promise you that toxic thoughts can 100% make you feel unworthy of God's love or His promises. So don't let that word throw you!) 

So bring your thoughts into the light. Let somebody in. And most importantly, let God in. Let Him set you free. I promise it is so worth it. And the freedom that follows is so beautiful!