Expecting the Unexpected

Hello again!
It's me, your long lost blogger. I hate that it has been so long since I have posted. Hopefully I will begin posting fairly regularly again...hopefully!

Anyway, as you all know, it's a new year. As per usual, lots of people are making resolutions and goals for the upcoming year. (Please note: I was going to try to abbreviate the word "usual," but I didn't know how to spell it. Turns out I am not the only one, and it is actually a widely discussed topic on the internet. Just thought you should know.) Moving on, I have made some goals for myself. I have some typical ones like starting to run and eat decently again, reading more books, getting more sleep, etc. But one of my main goals was beginning to wake up early each morning to read my Bible and pray before my day begins. I usually start out the school year okay, but then fade quickly as the alarm goes off early each day. I know from experience the difference that time makes throughout my day, so I wanted to get back into the habit.

Monday went great! I got up mostly on time, and started my day and week fabulously! To make it even better, I had a great day. I was super excited to see my students again, and it wasn't actually terrible waking up so early. Then Tuesday came. I got up mostly on time again, and I had a bomb reading and prayer time. I was a little bit sleepier than Monday, but I powered through. I was so excited because I just knew that this renewed habit was going to change everything.

[Enter the unexpected] Within an hour of finishing my prayer, my day began to fall apart. I got a text that gave me a heads up about some drama I would be walking into when I arrived at school. Then, I was rushed getting out the door. (I had to take 2 meals, 3 snacks, and coffee with me when I left, and I was running late.) And of course, there was traffic. I finally get to school, and realize that, not only did I not get to school early like I wanted to, I MISSED A MEETING. I pretty much never do that, so I was not happy. In cheer practice, I realized that I did not tell my girls to prepare to leave for the basketball game right after school, so none of them had their uniforms. Major coaching fail. After practice, I get two more pieces of less than fabulous info, one of which was somebody telling me I was not in a lovely mood. (I hate people knowing when I am in a non-lovely mood.) I began thinking to myself, "What is that deal?? I just knew that today was going to be a great day, and it has completely fallen apart before 10 AM!" And then I remembered I had started making an effort to put God first. Well duh Lauren, of course your frustrations are piling up. Satan wants you to give up and decide that sleep is more important preparation for a good day.

Now, you're probably thinking to yourself, "Lauren, everyone knows that the enemy attacks when you start getting closer to God. You should have been prepared for that." And you would be right. I should have. But I forgot...which is so easy to do. But now that I have been reminded, I will be expecting the unexpected. I will be ready. The next time I begin to have a bad day or get bad news, I will have a verse ready to stand on. I know that this is something that I need to do before I begin each day. And I will not let one bad day and one attack from the enemy make me question that. So, I just want to gently remind you to expect the unexpected. Not to live in fear, but to live in preparation for the attacks of the enemy. We know that he only comes to steal, kill, and destroy. We need to make sure that we are ready to kick him in the teeth the next time he tries.

What am I doing Personally to Impact Someone's Life?

So, last night at church, my friend mentioned to me that I hadn't written a blog post in a while. It made me sad that somebody had noticed this, and was affected by it. I knew that it had been a while, but I hadn't written anything recently that I felt was worth posting. Lucky for me, her asking that question (along with something that happened to me this week) gave me the perfect idea for a post!!

So, COTM just finished a series a few weeks ago about the question used for my title. "What are you doing Personally to Impact Someone's Life?" And I am going to be real with you, by the end of the series, I began to get frustrated every time I heard somebody say it. Not because I didn't like the question, but because I never had an answer for it. Because I am part of the staff at church, we would hear this question in our staff meetings, I would hear it in my volunteer meetings, and I heard it in the services. And I loved the premise of the question. I loved hearing people's stories about things that had happened in their lives as a result of using this question to guide their daily interactions. But still yet, I had no answer to this question. I began to get so discouraged. When I heard this question, I felt a sense of dread, rather than empowerment.

If you know me at all, you know that I desperately want to reach people for Christ. I began to wonder why I didn't have any fabulous stories to tell, even though I tried to be friendly and show God's love to people I encountered on a daily basis. Little did I know what God was working on behind the scenes.

For those of you who don't know, I teach seventh grade English. (And I LOVE it, in case you were wondering!!) Anyway, this week I was going back and reading some journal entries that my students have written since the beginning of the school year. There were some funny ones, some silly ones, and some thought-provoking ones. But then I came across one that stopped me in my tracks.

Some of you may be reading that and thinking, "So what? She said she likes you as her teacher. Big deal." But for me, it is a huge deal. It brought joy to my heart and tears to my eyes. I have a special desire in my heart to reach and bless young people, especially young girls. After reading this journal entry, I knew that God was helping me do just that! I was doing something to impact somebody's life and showing them God's love, I just didn't realize it while it was happening. 

Remember my friend who asked about the blog? It turns out that the same thing happened with her. When she asked me why I hadn't written in a while, I realized that my blog posts were ministering to her. She enjoyed reading them and missed them when I didn't write them. (Now, whether she missed them because she liked them or because she liked to laugh at how awful they are, I haven't figured out yet!) This was another case where God was using me, without me realizing it. Man, I was so excited when God showed me this last night! I had been so frustrated with my lack of success with reaching people. And God showed me more than one way that He had used me as His vessel of love and encouragement. 

So, for those of you who have found yourselves being bothered by the fact that you don't have an answer to this infamous question, don't grow weary in doing what is good! You may not see it yet or have any idea what's happening, but God is preparing your harvest. You may feel as though you are not doing anything to help or show God's love to others, but I promise you are. Don't give up just because you can't see the fruit yet. You may have no idea who you are affecting, but God will show you in His perfect timing. 

The Myth of "The One Who Got Away"

We've all heard that phrase. Usually it's used to describe somebody in our lives who we thought was the bee's knees, but unfortunately isn't in our lives anymore. (Probably by their choice, not yours.) What a depressing way to look at life!

Don't get me wrong, I've done it, too. Fairly recently actually. But last night I had a revelation. When we have somebody in our lives who chooses to leave, we shouldn't see them as the one who "got away."  Instead, we should see ourselves that way.  We are the person who they missed out on, not the other way around.

Now, let me clarify, I'm not saying that you should walk around thinking you're hot stuff and everybody should want to know you and be your friend.  However, I am suggesting that you have enough respect for yourself to realize that what somebody else thinks of you doesn't actually change who you are or what you have to offer.

There is a quote by Ted Rubin that says "Your value doesn't decrease based on someone's inability to see your worth."  I had heard this quote before, but when I saw it again last night, I really got it. I am the kind of person who always blames myself when something goes wrong in any relationship (family, love, friendship, etc. ) My first thought is always, "Crap! I screwed it up again." Or "What did I do wrong?" Or "What if I had done _____ instead?" (And I agree that sometimes, we do need to ask ourselves these questions.) But there are also times that we need to realize that the other person would have acted the same way, no matter what we did or didn't do.  Because you are not the problem!  And I have a feeling that the people we really need and want in our lives, are going to stay through it all.  And in all honesty, those are the people we really want in our lives.

So, if somebody walks away, LET THEM.  If they are supposed to be in your life, God will restore the relationship.
Sometimes, it's our job to mend relationships. But other times, God just wants us to sit back and let Him place the right people exactly where they need to be.

Why is it never me?

Lately, I have been asking myself this question over and over again. I have started to feel as though I am never the person people choose to do things. I am not the girl the guy wants to talk to at the wedding. I am not the friend they choose to call when they are having a hard day. I am not the fun one they want to hang out with. And on, and on, and on.

Now, I feel like I should tell you that I am not saying this so that people feel sorry for me. I am confident in who I am in Christ, and I find my comfort and peace in Him. However, I am telling you this in case you have ever felt the same way. As I have talked about in a previous blog post (I am not alone ), sometimes Satan tries to make us feel like we are the only person who has gone through a certain situation or felt a certain feeling. So for those of you who have ever felt like the last one picked on the playground, this is for you.

In my life, friends have always been an interesting thing. I have two friends in my life who have been people that I can always count on. Every other friendship I have had, has been a seasonal friendship. I will be friends with a person or group of people for a little while, and then the season is over, and I am left friendless, once again. The thing that stinks the most about this, is that I really do feel like I am the best friend I can be. I try to serve my friends, love my friends, care for them, be there for them, laugh with them, cry with them, and every other thing you want a friend to do. (Of course I realize there is always room for improvement, but you get the point.) I have found myself asking God so many times, "What am I doing wrong?" I always heard, "If you want friends, you have to show yourself friendly." The problem was, I was doing that, and it wasn't working! And recently, it has happened with other relationships. "God, I feel like I am exactly the kind of woman that guy would want to marry. So why didn't he choose me?" (I feel like I should remind you again that I do NOT want you to feel sorry for me! I promise this has a happy ending.)

Sunday night, while sitting at home alone. God reminded me of something so important. He ALWAYS chooses me. In Ephesians, He tells us that we are His workmanship, and He has prepared good things for us. Romans tells us that Christ loved us while we were still sinners. He knit me together and He thinks innumerable thoughts about me. Why am I spending so much time concerned about who has chosen and not chosen me when the most important person already has and always will? In his book Crash the Chatterbox, Steven Furtick uses the analogy of the TV show The Voice. He is talking about how we constantly look for the approval of others, instead of the approval of God. We want people to "turn their chairs around" and choose us. But God turned His chair around before we were even born. I absolutely love what he says, "...the One who is sitting in the only chair that really counts has already turned around."

Instead of focusing on all of the people not choosing me, I need to focus on the only one who really matters. Jesus loves us unconditionally. He loves the great parts of us, but He also loves the parts that aren't so great. He loves us when we are happy or angry. He loves and accepts us when we further His kingdom, and He loves us just as much when we fail. He loves us and chooses us, even when we forget to choose Him. And He loves us despite the fact that we can never return the same kind of love back to Him. And He is the only one whose choice truly matters.

Even When it Hurts

If you have read my blog for any amount of time, you know that I love praise and worship songs. I am not sure what it is, but they are so powerful and special to me. And most of the time, I feel like this is one of the main channels God uses to communicate with me and bring me peace or comfort. I don't know about you, but I find it pretty easy to praise God when I am in a good mood. Or when I am happy to be at church. Or I like the song that they are singing. However, there are those rare occasions when I don't necessarily feel like praising or worshipping.

There was a time very recently where I found myself in one of these situations. I had had a horrible day and week. I had also just had a very discouraging and heartbreaking conversation with a friend. I can't really describe how I was feeling. I know that I had never felt it before and hope to avoid it in the future. I wouldn't say I was mad at God, but I was definitely mad. I was confused and heartbroken and sad and mad all at the same time. I stood in church with my arms folded and my lips pursed. I wasn't going to sing or clap or raise my hands. I was just going to stand there in my anger. Looking back on that day, I realize that I was doing the worst possible thing in that situation. It's very easy to praise God when things are going great, but it's much more important to do it when things seem to be falling apart.

Hillsong United's new album is awesome. And everyone should get it. There is a song on it called "Even When it Hurts." As I am sure you can guess, it talks about this exact thought.
        "Even when my strength is lost, I'll praise You. Even when I have no song, I'll praise You. Even           when it's hard to find the words, louder then I'll sing Your praise. Even when the fight seems              lost, I'll praise You. Even when it hurts like hell, I'll praise You. Even when it makes no sense            to sing, louder then I'll sing Your praise."

Maybe I am the only one, but I have most definitely felt some of these. And I can definitely relate to the "ocean tears" the song mentions. But I just love the honest message of the song. That no matter what we are thinking or feeling, one of the most important things we can do is praise Him. There are going to be times when that is literally the last thing we want to do because it goes against everything inside of us. But how much more powerful is our praise when we are crying out God's name despite our circumstances? Our feelings, thoughts, relationships, and circumstances are ever-changing. But there is one thing that remains the same, and that it Jesus.

Peru: Meet Nicole

So when people ask me about my trip to Peru, I honestly don't even know where to start. It's hard to describe and put into words everything that happened and all the people we met and all the lives we saw touched and changed. My go to answer has been, "It was great. I wish I was still there and not here." (Which has actually offended some people...I can't imagine why!!) But there is so much more to say.

One thing God has been helping me grow in is trusting His timing, no matter what. And one thing I know for sure, is that His timing of this trip was perfect. While we were there, we met a girl named Nicole. Nicole is traveling the world, and she "just so happened" to be at Camino de Vida the same week we were. Nicole is truly one of the coolest people I have ever had the privilege of meeting. She gave up everything to travel. Through her journey she has discovered so many things about herself and about God. She could write a book on God's faithfulness in her life. One of the coolest things about Nicole, was that she had genuinely meaningful conversations with everyone she talked to. I was talking to her one day while we were peeling garlic (4.5 pounds of garlic, to be exact). I was asking her about her travels and things she has learned since she started. Traveling is something that I desire to do so deeply, so I loved everything she had to say. Then she said that if God has put that desire in my heart, and I don't do it, then I am trying to be somebody other than who God created me to be. I was amazed at this comment. I barely knew her, and she had said something that impacted me so deeply.

Every single person on our team had the opportunity to interact with and befriend her throughout the week. What made it even better (as if you needed anything) was that we were also able to encourage and bless her, as well! She had been traveling for about 5-6 months when we met her. By herself. She had met some friendly people along the way. She had learned a lot. She had had some unforgettable experiences. But she needed to be around some people who could encourage and uplift her. She needed some refreshment. And God used our team to help with that.

God orchestrated our paths to cross. Nicole was making her own travel plans. She could have been long gone if she wanted to, but God had other plans. I was so encouraged when I thought about this throughout the week. I have a hard time trusting in God's timing when it doesn't line up with mine. But this is just one of the many things God has used to show me that His timing is always the best. He can see the big picture, and I can only see what's right in front of me. I'm glad the one with the better view is the one with the steering wheel!

Peru

Where do I even start?
It's impossible to put into words everything I experienced with my team this week. We saw a building transformed into a safe, life-giving, beautiful church that many people will come to call home. We made friendships we never thought we would. We cried and laughed, many times laughing so hard we cried. We saw the love of God change lives.

I have to be honest, the day we left for the trip, I started panicking. I had been so busy leading up to the trip, that I hardly had time to stop and think about it. But the morning we left, it was all I could think about. I started worrying and questioning whether or not I had anything to contribute to the amazing group of people I was about to work with. I started questioning my effectiveness to show anyone the love of Christ. I felt so unqualified.

Thankfully, I am blessed with very encouraging friends. I had one of them remind me that I am God's creation, and He designed me to do His work and further His kingdom. I had been blessed with an opportunity, and I shouldn't take away from that with worry.  Man was that a good reminder!! I was so caught up in my thoughts, that I was forgetting the fact that God called me to go on that trip. And I was once again letting my thoughts get in my way.  Now, I won't say that I didn't have to continue to fight off negative thoughts throughout the trip, because I did.  But I was comforted by the knowledge that God equips His people when He calls them, and He makes their arms strong for their tasks.

As you can imagine, I will have much more to share about my trip in the coming days. But for tonight, I just want to remind you that God doesn't ask you to do things that are impossible. Anything that He calls you to, you are capable of doing. But the thing you cannot forget, is that you are ONLY capable of doing them with Him. It is Christ working through you and in you, that allows you to be effective and successful. Without Him, we are nothing and can do nothing. But He never leaves us or forsakes us (Deuteronomy 31:6). He will equip you (Hebrews 13:21).  He will strengthen you (Isaiah 41:10). He will make you strong for your tasks (Psalm 18:34). And He will shine through you when you allow yourself to be used by Him!

"Take this heart Lord. I'll be Your vessel. The world to see, Your love in me."