Cole

Today, I came across this post that I wrote in April. I'm not sure why I didn't post it then. But reading over it again, I knew that I was ready to share it today.

This past March marked nine years since my precious cousin Cole passed away. Each year when it rolls around, I acknowledge it privately, but try not to dwell on it. I miss him dearly, but I also know that he is having so much fun in Heaven. I feel like he is probably BFF's with Jesus by now. Anyway, this year, I haven't quite stopped thinking about it. I truly wish that everyone on earth could have met Cole. He was so much fun, and was genuinely liked by everyone. His joy and kindness were so evident in everything he did. I will never forget the time he thought a boy had made me cry and was ready to go beat him up, without hesitation. Or how he pronounced my name "Lorn." Or the fact that he waned to be just like Lane Frost when he grew up. (Oh, how many times we watched 8 Seconds!!)

Lately, I have been trying really hard to lead a little bit more of an exciting life. (Since right now, my life consists of work, Netflix, books, and ice cream.) But somehow, I always end up falling back into the mundane rhythms we often find ourselves in. Recently, I made a list of exciting things I want to do or places I want to go. I also decided that I was going to try to say "yes" more often when people ask me to do things or try things.

As I was thinking about Cole tonight, I realized part of the reason his life and joy and happiness were so infectious. Cole truly and completely lived his life to the fullest. He was always trying new things and doing exciting (sometimes dangerous) things. I am sure this attitude of being up for anything and everything got him into trouble more times than he could count. But, at the same time, I wonder if there is any other way to live. Cole's life was entirely too short. He passed away 11 days before his 15th birthday. But I think he had a life that was filled with as much joy and adventure and fun as a person three times his age.

Now, please do not stop reading this when you realize the cheesy moral of this post. I sometimes think that the cheesy things we try to ignore, are actually the things we need to be reminded of the most. How many times have we heard the phrases about living life to the fullest? Live, laugh, love. YOLO. No regrets. Dance like nobody is watching. It's not the number of breaths you take, but the moments that...blah blah blah. I think we can all agree that those phrases are way overused. However, when we picture the lives we want to live or the experiences we want to have or the places we want to go, those cheesy phrases are often exactly how we want to go about life. We want to travel to all the places on our list. We want to go skydiving or snorkeling. We want to try to start that new hobby that we have always been interested in, but never been brave enough to try. Because, after all, what if we fail? Or what if something we try or a place we go isn't as wonderful as we thought it would be? What then?

If I'm being honest, that is often the reason I don't do the things I want to. I am worried that I won't like it or it won't be what I expected or it will be scary. But honestly, so what? So what if you end up hating snorkeling? What if skydiving is terrifying? What if you go to Italy, and it's nothing like what you expected? At least you did it! At least you finally tried something new. At least you crossed a country off of your bucket list. I hope that I can start living my life like this. I want to travel to the places I've always wanted to go. I want to try new hobbies that I might be terrible at. And I might even want to go skydiving. I would like to think, that by living my life this way, I can be a little bit more like Cole. And that one day, when I see him in Heaven, he will look at me and say, "Isn't living life the greatest?"

One last thing. Cole's funeral is something that I will never forget. Now, don't get me wrong, funerals are the worst. But Cole's was incredible. There were hundreds of people there, no exaggeration. People from school, church, Dry Gulch, sports, family, you name it! And it's probably safe to say that they really did all know Cole. And, if I had to guess, they were there because Cole made an impression on them. But he didn't make an impression on them by sitting on the sidelines and letting life happen to him. He made an impression by going and doing and loving with all his heart.